Through the Night

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I need to write about things that speak to my heart. I can´t just produce stuff when the transit comes around. I don´t want to feel like “another one”, like I am „losing my soul“. 

I didn´t feel like I have anything to say about New Moon in Leo but funnily enough, I got around to it somehow.

My journeys are not very straightforward. Leo is my 12th house, it is the place where I often get lost and found. It is my hideaway when I feel insecure when my nervous system seems too fragile to function within the visible space. The Twelfth House is a sanctuary where I´m finding my comfort. 

But sometimes even a loner gets lonely. The 12th place is where Saturn finds its joy after all. I often stay a lot longer in the shade than it is healthy but this place just feels so familiar despite its darkness.

A couple of days ago, I was reading to my boys about children who get trapped in a heavy snowstorm. The reality of the situation feels very real and intense to them but at the same time, they feel like they are in a very different place, their own world, separated from all the other people. They have no idea where they are, how to navigate the space or if they have a chance to ever get out of there. 

While I was reading it, I immediately thought of 12th place.

I love to think of it as the place where we all come from, the place from which we are being born into a physical reality of the first house. The 12th can be seen as the place of all the potentialities, the infinite place of subconscious that we draw from. The place that encompasses our (pre)natal experiences, images, archetypes, stories - the vast ocean of human history.

The 12th is the bringer of anguish. It is the grim place where we  wander in circles questioning our sanity. It is the void where things dissipate, the dark medicine that we’re taking on our quest for light……..

I love to connect the dots and look for commonalities in different astrological configurations. Pondering on the darkness of the New Moon in the sign of Leo made me think of the darkness of the 12th place where I feel so at home. The arduous beginnings of every new endeavor when we are breaking new grounds, the vulnerability of letting yourself be seen, of opening your tender heart and how little is often needed to cease that hopeful new beginning.

This world, overflowing with images, is a lonely one. 

I often doubt myself to a point of wanting to just dissipate into that 12th house space and never come back.

I am grateful to be here, writing, trying to articulate my thoughts and share them with all of you. 

My solar road is a dark one but thank god for my Leo wanderers 🌙 ♂️. They keep my fire burning and hopefully light up some more torches around.

Thank you!

Keep hope alive, keep dreaming.

Petra

 

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